Excerpts by Henrik Edberg
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” - Louise L. Hay
1. Talk back to your inner critic.
You don’t have to listen to everything your mind tells you. When the inner critic in your head pipes up – in yourmind – say: Stop/No… we’re not going down that path again! The quicker you do that after the critic starts babbling, the easier it will be to shut it down.
2. Change your mindset.
When you’re lost in a snowball of thoughts of how you’re not good enough, change your headspace to a more positive one. Ask yourself: What’s one small exception to this thought?
3. Stop getting stuck in the comparison trap.
When you compare yourself to others, to what they have, and what they’ve done, you’re getting yourself stuck. It’s destructive. A much better alternative? Compare yourself to yourself; see how far you’ve come and what you’ve overcome.
4. Celebrate all wins.
Not only the big ones. One small step forward is still a step forward, so celebrate these wins too!
5. Let it out.
Keeping thoughts bottled up can make them spiral out of control. Letting them out can help us to look at things from a more grounded and constructive perspective.
Three ways to let it out are:
▪ Vent about these thoughts as someone close to you simply listens.Do this for a little while to release pent up tensions and to figure things out for yourself.
▪ Discuss it with a friend.Let her add her perspective. Or ask what she’s done in a similar situation. Your friend can ground you in reality again so you don’t start making a mountain out of a molehill.
▪ Journal about it.If you don’t wish to talk with someone, a helpful alternative is to journal about it. Get all those thoughts swirling around in your head out of paper or in a digital document. This is similar to venting and seeing it all laid out before you; it can help you find clarity and a realistic size of your challenge, and see what you can do to improve upon the situation.
6. What someone has said or done to you may not be about you.
The criticism or verbal attacks you may have received this morning or during the past year might not have been about you at all. Someone close to you or at work could simply have had a bad week, month or year. Or they may be in a bad marriage, dissatisfied with his/her career or carrying an old and heavy baggage of negativity that someone else once put on him or her. You don’t have to carry their baggage and negativity. That belongs to them. Not you.
7. You may need to make some changes in your environment to feel better.
Whatever we let into our minds will have a big effect - no matter if those influences are positive or negative. So you may need to make some changes in your environment to feel better about yourself.
A simple start to this process of step-by-step changing your day to day world is to ask yourself this:
What are the top 3 sources of negativity in my life?
It could be:
▪ Someone close to you or at work.
▪ A social media account.
▪ A website/forum/tv show/podcast you visit every week.
Then ask yourself: What can I do to spend less time with these 3 sources this week? Come up with one or a few action-steps for each of the sources; take action to reduce the influence and time you spend on at least one of these sources this week. And then, during the next 7 days, spend the time you’ve now freed up with the most supportive, uplifting and positive sources and people in your life.