A lot of us report there’s a fair amount of chatter going on in our heads at any given time. And much of it points to our flaws, rather than to our fabulousness!
Challenge Your Inner Chatter: Reframe Your Story And Change Your Life
By Sara Gilbert, Business Strategist, Certified Coach and Founder of Strategist Business Development
Stories reflect our beliefs.
We all have a story in our head — a narrative that drives our daily behavior.
My father left me, so I must be unworthy.
My mother kept talking about women’s bodies, so being thin is important.
My second-grade teacher told me I’m smart, so I should never struggle in school.
People will judge me, so I won’t bring up my idea at the meeting.
My service offering is like everyone else’s, so I won’t contact this potential client.
I’m too old.
I’m too young.
I’m too this, not enough that.
These stories are so deeply ingrained in us that we often don’t even know they’re there.
But subconscious stories are like tectonic plates at the bottom of the ocean — when they collide, our world is hit by a tsunami.
You see, the stories we tell ourselves become our beliefs, our beliefs influence our behaviors, our behaviors guide our actions and, in turn, our actions determine our results. It’s a subtle chain reaction that can tremendously impact our life.
Let me give you an example. Not too long ago, I met a thirty-something-year-old woman who had just finished her coaching certification. She was really happy about that because she’d always wanted to help others. Being a coach was her lifelong dream.
I asked about her professional goals: Did she plan on leaving her job to launch her coaching business, or was she going to start building her business on the side? Basically, what were her intentions?
After some probing, she finally told me: “No, I’m not much of a businessperson.” As we continued talking, she mentioned that one of her elementary school teachers had once told her she wasn’t very smart.
The fact that her teacher told her that is one thing, but the fact that she’s been repeating it to herself for thirty-some-odd years is another. The more we repeat something, the more we start to believe it and the more we actually embody it. Because of this deeply ingrained limiting belief, she wasn’t launching her business and not achieving her deepest dream of making a difference in the world.
There isn’t a voice more powerful than our inner narrative. The stories we tell ourselves become our reality.
What stories have you been repeating to yourself?
Have you been telling yourself you’re not confident enough, that you shouldn’t take too much space, shouldn’t talk too loudly or that you’re introverted? Have you been repeating some limiting beliefs that stem from our society, like you can’t have it all, that being successful means you need to make sacrifices or that rich people aren’t spiritual? Have you ever stopped to consider these statements as a subtle form of self-bullying that drains your own power?
Take a moment to reflect and ask yourself: What story have I been telling myself about my personality or the goals I want to achieve? Then challenge your inner chatter:
• Is that true?
• Do I really believe that?
• Do I want to believe that?
• Why? Am I hiding behind this limiting belief for a reason?
There are always three sides to a story: your version, the other person’s version and the truth. Each person’s version is tinted by their own beliefs, their perception of life and various cognitive biases. So, we never know what truly happened or what was really said.
What if there could be another version of the story you’re telling yourself? What if the meaning you attributed to something that was said or done was not the meaning the person actually intended?
We create our outer world from our internal world based on the stories we condition ourselves to believe.
By uncovering the stories you continuously tell yourself, by challenging them and by assigning a different meaning to them, you have the power to create a whole new life for yourself.
So, what sort of inner chatter will you challenge today?