Let’s talk about the word ‘should’. Of course we want to be respectful and sensitive to others’ needs and requests, but not at the expense of losing our own desires. Let’s rethink what we ‘should’ do vs. what we ‘want’ to do. Is it time to remove the word "should" from our vocabulary?
It’s Time to Remove “Should” From Your Vocabulary
Written by Brian Clark
Brian Clark is a writer, traveler, and entrepreneur. He's the founder of Further, Unemployable, and Copyblogger.
If you’ve been following Further for a while, or my podcast Unemployable, you know I think “should” is a dirty word. For some reason, the things you should do never seem to be the things you want to do.
I’m not talking about having a brownie instead of working out, or parking your kids in front of iPads while you chug box wine. I mean living the life you want to live.
In fact, last week’s article on designing the life you want points out that life design rarely lines up with should. Too often, what you “should” do is what someone else, or even society at large, thinks you should do.
So, it’s certainly refreshing to see similar sentiments in the Harvard Business Review. There’s even an anecdote that strikes close to home for me:
She didn’t hate law, but her heart and soul weren’t fully in it. At some point, despite her many years of schooling and practicing law, she decided to take the leap and try something else: becoming an underground arts entrepreneur.
The more interesting aspect of the article is the tie to another common Further theme — getting out of our comfort zones. Andy Molinsky, a Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Brandeis International Business School, equates “comfort zone” with compliant zone.
In other words, when should systematically overrides the life you want to lead, it’s time to take a critical look at yourself and decide if this is truly how you want to keep going.
Molinsky offers a 3-step assessment to discover whether your comfort zone is actually a compliant zone:
Pinpoint your area of focus. Identify one specific thing to question, whether it’s something you’re unhappy with or something you want to grow or develop.
Take a quick inventory of your personal values and passions. What are you passionate about? What drives you? What would you love to do, and what do you care about doing if there was nothing getting in your way?
Compare your passions to the activity you’re examining. Can you see your own values and driving passions in this activity somewhere? If you can, it’s probably not compliance — or at least not fully. But if you struggle to find yourself anywhere, you may be in the compliant zone, and it might be time to reassess and consider whether a change is in order.
I don’t think Molinsky’s use of the word passion is the best choice. As we discussed last week, you’re more likely to discover your passion from trying new things. So, maybe use the above assessment to figure out the type of life you want to lead overall, and then begin implementing ways to get it.
Look, I know this isn’t easy. It’s no wonder that major life changes often happen after a near-death experience or some other major trauma. But it doesn’t have to be that way — it’s actually all up to you, right now.
Free Yourself from What You “Should” Be Doing
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